Hey, nothing but the best will do for my butt. That’s why I’m looking forward to this luxurious new toilet paper. Quilted Northern Luxury 4-Ply Toilet Paper looks like it even comes in a special can, which is fitting since you will use it in the can.
It’s made with four silky-soft layers of paper to glide along your butt and hopefully not clog all of your plumbing. Wiping your bottom in luxury comes with a price though – a six-pack of mega rolls (equivalent of 24 regular rolls) costs $8.99.
I’ll pass. You know how I get 4-ply toilet paper? I fold 2-ply in half. Now that is gaming the system. You could also fold 1-ply four times. That’s getting one over on the man!
No way I’m paying extra money for TP in a tin though. What am I, a Rockefeller? If I was I’d probably be using a bidet or one of those fancy Japanese toilets that washes and dries your butt for you.
Do you have a square to spare? You will if you use this giant Charmin toilet paper roll in your bathroom. This oversize roll of toilet paper could last some people a month… depending on diet and regularity of course.
The Charmin Forever Roll is a massive roll of Charmin’s Ultra Soft two-ply toilet paper. It lets people know that you take wiping your butt seriously. The TP comes in multi-user (12-inch diameter) and single-user (8.7-inch diameter) sizes. The multi-user roll has 1,700 sheets for a total of 185-square feet, about six to eight times a double roll.
The starter kit gives you either a floor stand or wall-mounted holder and three rolls costs for $30. Yep, a starter kit for toilet paper. That’s the world we are living in, folks. A three-pack of replacement rolls will cost you $10. Never be without TP again. I mean, unless you have a serious case of mud-butt. If that’s the case, this will probably last you as long as a regular roll would.
Your cats are going to love unraveling this giant-ass roll of toilet paper too.
At last year’s New York Toy Fair, Jakks Pacific unveiled the toilet-paper shooting Skid Shot. It’s like toy blasters that shoot foam ammo, except this one shoots wadded-up spitballs using toilet paper. Good times. Mothers everywhere spent extra on toilet paper and had to clean it up from their walls. Well, for 2019, Jakks is releasing an improved version called the Sheet Storm that makes it even better.
Shooting someone with soggy spitballs is a fun pastime. The only problem with the Skid Shot is that it used two separate levers that both had to be primed to prep the next shot. This gives your opponent plenty of time to avoid a direct hit. This has now been fixed. Costing $40, the new Sheet Storm will cost twice as much as the Skid Shot, but does away with the annoying dual levers of the original.
The new model uses a sliding, pump-action reload mechanism that primes the blaster in one-quick motion. A single roll of toilet paper will give you over 350 shots before its empty too. It also has a range of about 50 feet, so fire away!
The Sheet Storm toilet paper blaster will arrive this Fall.
Lighting a match after you use the bathroom is a measure of courtesy that everyone should be doing (looking at you Steve from accounting, seriously what the heck did you eat for breakfast this week?) So why not have a little slot directly on the toilet paper holder where you can easily store a box of matches in a spot that those who need to use them most (Steve) can’t miss. The Matchbox TP Holder does just that, with a dedicated spot on the top to hold a matchbox. There’s even a little image of a match.
Lighting a match is a way more effective way to cover up any unpleasant bathroom smells than using one of those aerosol sprays which somehow end up combining with the bathroom odors to make some sort of terrible combination smell. So don’t do that (Steve from accounting). Please. Use a match. This tp holder is made of earthenware and can be mounted to the wall with screws or adhered to a tile wall. A useful bathroom accessory everyone can use (especially Steve).
The Toilet Paper Blaster Skid Shot. That’s quite a product name. And given that name, just looking at this gun you might think that this is a weapon designed for friends to fire a shot and wipe your ass. While that might be fun, but this toy gun is about something else. Blasting out spitballs.
I’m just spitballing here, but this is a brilliant invention for troublesome brat on your gift list this holiday season. Basically, you load this bad boy up with a roll of TP and a fill up its water reservoir so that you can shoot spitballs all day long. With each shot, it feeds a bit of toilet paper into the chamber, wets it and shoots a big wad.
This thing would have been great for mischief night, but I also want a gun that shoots whole rolls of toilet paper so you can TP houses quickly and beat it before the 5-0 arrive. Give me these two weapons in my arsenal, along with an egg cannon, and I’m going Rambo on your house. And I’m not afraid to show up the next night on Halloween to get some candy from you. That’s just how I roll. TP roll that is.
Stop making spit balls the old fashioned way by wadding up paper into your mouth and get into the 21st century with the Toilet Paper Blaster Skid Shot. More power, more spitballs, more sanitary. This is a spitball machine that uses toilet paper and water to create the ultimate projectile and blasts it up to 30 feet away. Holy sheets! Try doing that with a straw.
Now granted, this device is clearly way more conspicuous when you’re sitting in the back of your classroom launching them as soon as the teacher turns her back, but you could still get away with it if you’re smooth. So it’s probably more for backyard usage, like paintball but with just paper. Just load up a roll of 2 ply toilet paper onto the roll, fill up the chamber with water, and fire away at a rate of about 350 spitballs per roll (2 per sheet). No batteries required.
Sure, you can use drones to capture some cool aerial footage or to spy on your enemies, but this may be the best use of drones yet – toilet papering someone else’s house. Teal Drones CEO George Matus used a custom drone to do just that – in broad daylight.
He used the drone to toilet paper his company’s chief operating officer Billy McGuire’s house. This was to celebrate his two year work anniversary. Do kids still do Mischief Night? That’s the night before Halloween when kids toilet paper houses, throw eggs at your door and write bad stuff on your car with a bar of soap. I really hope people start deploying drones that night to toilet paper houses across the country. That is now my dream.
If I have one gripe about George’s tactics, it’s that this drone needs to hold more than two rolls of toilet paper. You’ll get better coverage if it holds like 4 or 5. Because right now you have to reload and fly it back toward the house. That makes it more likely that the cops will come, or the owner will come outside with a shotgun.
In the video, a fan brings down a drone with a perfectly thrown roll of toilet paper. YES! This is how we are going to fight robots in the skies. It is an impressive toss, and a real victory for humans.
Always carry a roll of TP with you, that’s what I say. Because you never know when you may need to take a drone out of the sky, or when you might suddenly get the runs. It is best to have every situation covered.
Have you ever ridden a skateboard made from toilet paper? It’s the sh*t! Lauri and Anni Vuohensilta, the fine folks behind the Hydraulic Press Channel have published a video on one of their other YouTube channels showing their hydraulic press smashing rolls of toilet paper into a hard, long board. That is then transformed into a semi-usable skateboard.
It really works too, Lauri takes it for a ride, showing off how sturdy it is. He almost falls off of it though, giving a whole new meaning to the word “wipeout. It takes a lot more work than you might think to create the skate deck, and the video is long, but fascinating.
Usually these guys destroy stuff with a hydraulic press, so it’s nice to see them create something for once. Everyone at the Charmin factory take note.
NTTDoCoMo is one of Japan’s largest mobile operators, so they are always on the cutting edge. Their latest offering? Toilet paper for your smartphone. Sure, why not?
These special rolls of TP can be found by the toilets of Tokyo’s Narita airport. The idea, I guess, since they have it next to the normal TP, is to clean your smartphone screen while you are cleaning your butt. It’s weird, but maybe not totally stupid. Think about how many germs your phone has on it. Clean that phone and get rid of the germs.
The toilet paper is also printed with vital information too. Stuff like WiFi service instructions, travel information and details about translation services. It is limited to just 86 toilets and the promotion will run until March 15th, 2017.