Because these truly are the end times we’re living in, New York City-based fashion designer Thom Browne has created the Rat Pebbled Bag, a leather bag in the form of a rat. Available from Farfetch for the equally farfetched price of $3,390, the bag begs the question – is this considered haute couture or raute couture?
If the model is any indication, you’ll also need a kilt, dress shirt and tie, lace-up boot-shoes, and an overcoat to complete the rat bag ensemble. I can already close my eyes and imagine myself wearing it all – my friends and family whispering to one another that I’ve finally gone off the deep end.
When reached for comment about the bag, Master Splinter told me he felt it was in poor taste. Granted, he’s been wearing the same tattered kimono for his entire mutant life and lives in the sewers with a bunch of turtle vigilantes, but I trust his judgment.
Because Japan will never stop being lightyears ahead of the unusual but practical fashion game, this is the Butterfly Birth Shopping Bag from Felissimo. Available from the Japan Trend Shop, it features a green chrysalis carrying case, from which you can extract the beautiful translucent butterfly wings shopping bag, created in the likeness of the wings of a chestnut tiger butterfly, a species commonly found in Asia. I think it goes without saying, but everyone at the farmer’s market is going to be so jealous of me this spring.
Fingers crossed, the bags are a hit, and they start making them in different styles of butterfly wings because I would love to see them available in Goliath Birdwing and Emerald Swallowtail varieties. However, I would not like to see them in any icky moth wing styles. Those won’t sell, Felisimo, so don’t even waste your time.
Sure reusable butterfly wing shopping bags are cool, but do you know what would be even cooler? Reusable dragon wing shopping bags with egg-carrying pouches! Plus, we could piggyback on the popularity of Game of Thrones but not pay for any licensing rights by cleverly naming them Game of Thorns dragon wing bags. We’re gonna be rich! Or get sued.
Designed for use in the coldest weather conditions, these United States Government Issue extreme cold weather face masks are the same ones worn by the US Army during operations in frigid climates. Fingers crossed Santa doesn’t decide to wear one while he’s delivering presents this year, because the last thing I want for Christmas is a heart attack.
Available from Kommandostore for a reasonable $15, the exterior is made of waterproof vinyl, with mouth and nose access available via snap secured flaps. The interior is 100% cotton for the ultimate in comfort while fulfilling whatever fantasy it is you bought one for in the first place. Just don’t tell me what that is, I don’t want to know.
I wonder what percentage of these are bought for actual extreme cold weather applications, and what percentage are bought for extreme perversion applications. I assume there’s also a small percentage that are bought for both, like the overlapping portion of a Venn diagram. Admittedly, I do have to respect someone who knows how to get their money’s worth out of a product.
Gaming: it’s more fun with a partner, even if that partner is a cat. And to encourage co-op feline gaming, Japanese gaming furniture manufacturer Bauhutte has created this Nyangaroo (nyan:’meow’, plus kangaroo) hoodie featuring a pouch for your cat to hang out in while you mash buttons and curse at the screen. Available from the Japan Trend Shop, it’s the perfect gift for the cat-loving gamer in your life. Don’t have a cat-loving gamer in your life? Just buy one for yourself and fill the pouch with snacks.
The hoodie comes in three sizes fitting most gamers between 5′ and 6′ tall, and features cat ears sewn onto the hood, paw prints sewn onto the cuffs, and an integrated cat pouch with fluffy lining, cushioned bottom, and double zipper and cord stopper. Shoot, if they made one big enough to fit a human I’d let you take me with you anywhere.
I’m pretty sure I speak for everyone here when I say thank goodness they finally made a gamer-specific cat pouch hoodie. And here I’ve just been gaming in my regular, everyday wear cat pouch hoodie! What a complete fool I’ve been. You won’t tell anybody, will you? You have to promise me.
Because questionable product collaborations come in all shapes and sizes, Nike and Swarovski have teamed up to produce these $450 crystal-accented Air Force Ones. Available in all black and all-white colorways, the sneakers are covered with Swarovski studded webbed panels, which are removable with an included Nike branded flathead screwdriver. Me? I just want the screwdriver.
At first glance, I really thought they were Christmas lights and not crystals, which made a lot more sense to me. Make them light up red and green and add some candy cane striped laces and you’ve got the perfect pair of sneakers to compliment an ugly Christmas sweater this holiday season.
Like my favorite substitute teacher in high school, Mrs. Gitland used to say, “Different strokes for different folks.” And maybe gaudy Swarovski studded Nikes are your stroke. I’m not here to judge you for your idea of design, I’m just here to wonder what your living room must look like.
Just when you thought the perfect Star Trek ugly Christmas sweater already existed (see: this ‘Trek The Halls’ ugly Christmas sweater), Numskull Designs returns with an even gaudier one in the form of this ‘Beam Me Up, Santa’ sweater. I think we can all agree that pun is a stretch, even for a tacky ugly Christmas sweater. The title of this article too.
The officially licensed Star Trek sweater is 100% knitted and available from Just Geek for $36 in sizes 3XS to 4XL. It was inspired by Star Trek: The Original Series, featuring the likenesses of Captain Kirk and Spock on the front, as well as the Enterprise, Santa and his reindeer, as well as some snowflakes, planets, and meteors. I… don’t remember watching that particular episode.
Sure, the sweater doesn’t make a lot of sense and is basically a garish mashup of Star Trek and Christmas themes, but I already ordered four with rush shipping, hoping they get here in time for my family to wear for our annual Christmas card photo.
Inspired by the command division’s red uniforms from Star Trek: The Next Generation, Numbskull Designs has created these officially licensed ‘Trek The Halls’ ugly Christmas sweaters. Available from Just Geek for $42, the 100% knitted (not printed!) sweaters are available in sizes 3XS – 4XL for a size that will fit anybody. I can already see myself becoming indignant when this isn’t enough to clinch victory in the ugly Christmas sweater contest at work.
Upon closer review, I do have a hard time considering this an ugly Christmas sweater. I mean, it might actually be the most fashionable sweater I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a lot of sweaters because I used to work sorting donations at a Goodwill. I’ve… smelled a lot of smells.
Imagine us all standing around a holiday fire in our Trek The Halls sweaters, sipping Saurian Brandy, and regaling our guests with our latest adventures aboard the Enterprise. Sounds like a dream, doesn’t it? That’s because it is a dream. I mean, unless we’re role-playing, in which case I call Data!
Riding a motorcycle: part of the whole image is looking cool. And what’s cooler than a fuzzy Pikachu or Yoda head helmet cover? I can’t think of anything. Granted I don’t ride a motorcycle because I never learned how to ride a bicycle without training wheels, but balance is a tricky thing.
Available from Etsy shop FunnyHelmetCovers, these fuzzy faces are available in a variety of characters from cartoons and video games and range in price from $48 to $70 depending on the complexity of the design. I want one that makes me look like Donkey Kong so it makes sense when I throw barrels at tailgaters.
I’m personally tempted to buy the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Leonardo design, and I don’t even own a motorcycle helmet. Although – I do have an unusually large head. My wife likes to joke me about it, but I tell her it’s so big because there’s so much brain in there. Then we both have a good laugh knowing just how untrue that really is.
You know what your closet has been missing? Holographic pants. My closet? My closet is missing a door. And while Düsseldorf, Germany-based Etsy seller ReflectiveClo might not be able to help me; they can help you with these iridescent “holographic” pants that appear to bend space-time in bright light. I can imagine myself getting sucked into a wormhole my pants accidentally created.
Created using ReflectiveClo’s self-developed material, the $79 pants are “one-of-a-kind and so comfortable you will want to wear them all the time no matter the occasion.” Hmmm – no matter the occasion, you say? A wedding? Why not! A funeral? They could always use some brightening up anyways.
What better way to express your fandom for the Halloween franchise than with this Michael Myers 14K gold plated and cubic zirconia pendant? I can actually think of a lot of ways, but that isn’t going to stop me from dropping $650 on this piece from Aporro. I can already close my eyes and hear my wife yelling about the credit card charge.
Did you know the original Michael Myers mask was created by Halloween’s production designer Tommy Lee Wallace using a $1.98 Star Trek Captain Kirk mask he purchased from a costume shop on Hollywood Boulevard and modified by widened the eye holes and spray-painting the flesh a bluish-white? Because that’s true. The more you know!
Unlike the original, this particular piece is brass with a 14k gold plating and a plethora of white and black cubic zirconia adorning Michael’s face. It measures 90mm x 70mm (3.5″ x 2.7″) and weighs 198g. Obviously, it would be far better as a full-size mask I could wear while cutting the grass to let my neighbors know my yard is not one to let their dogs poop in without picking it up.