Some people believe french fries are just a vehicle to get ketchup to your mouth. My dad is one of those people. And in news that’s sure to make his day – then ruin it when he realizes you have to be a UK resident to enter – Heinz is giving away free Fry Spoonz to lucky participants in its National Fry Day contest (available to enter HERE). Well, it looks like we’ll just have to make our own, dad.
Fry Spoonz are made entirely out of potatoes and resemble the shape of a traditional spoon, allowing you to deposit insane amounts of ketchup into your mouth in a single scoop. My dad also puts ketchup on his potato chips and doesn’t actually eat the chips; he only sucks the ketchup off until the chips are soggy, so I can only imagine how wild he would go with these things. Definitely wild enough to not want to watch, that’s for sure.
If there’s one thing Nintendo knows how to do, it’s sell products. Cold Stone Creamery teamed up with the video game giant to sell ice cream sundaes themed after some of their most popular games. I don’t know about you, but I’m already waiting outside my local Cold Stone waiting for them to open so I can try them all.
Varieties include the Mario Party Superstars-inspired Superstar Sprinkle Blast (cake batter ice cream, yellow cake, blue frosting, and rainbow sprinkles), Animal Crossing’s Island Getaway (chocolate ice cream, strawberries, banana and whipped topping), and Kirby’s Mighty Pink Puff (strawberry ice cream, strawberries, mini marshmallows, and caramel). Which sounds best to you? I’m going to mix them all together and create a Super Smash Bros. Ultimate sundae!
There’s also a Mario Kart Rainbow Road-inspired ice cream cake available, which I better get for my next birthday. OR ELSE. Or else I’ll be locking myself in my room and crying for the remainder of the day. You know, the usual.
Beer and DIY home projects: they go together like peanut butter and bread. Toss in accidentally hurting yourself, and you’ve got yourself a peanut butter and banana sandwich! Created by JoyJolt and available on Amazon (affiliate link), these hand tool beer mugs are the perfect accompaniment to any home project.
The 17-ounce mugs are available in multiple tool handle styles, including a screwdriver, hammer, pipe wrench, crescent wrench, and combination wrench, that way, you can match your beer mug to your current project. Tackling a project that involves all five tools? Then you’ve got a lot of beer to drink!
Alternatively, just do what I do when undertaking a home improvement project and invest in a beer helmet. That way, you can drink hands-free and don’t have to take a break to drink; just suck on the straw! Unfortunately, if the quality of my repair jobs is any indication, this is probably not a great idea and might explain why I keep finding my beer helmet hidden in the bottom of the kitchen trash.
Kopi Luwak coffee is made from beans that have passed through the digestive system of the Asian palm civet and been pooped out, where they’re collected to make the world’s most expensive coffee. And now you can own dice made with the beans that once briefly passed through a small mammal’s butt! What a time to be alive and a tabletop gamer!
Kopi Luwak Civet Poop Dice are handcrafted by Artisan Dice, and each features real kopi luwak coffee beans that have been collected from the fecal matter of civets. Of course, they’ve been thoroughly cleaned first because nobody wants to roll crappy dice.
A single D20 will set you back $54, or you can get a complete 10-piece polyhedral set for $237. So they’re not the cheapest dice, but neither is the coffee. And can you really put a price on dice that were once poop? I would argue not, and I would be 100% correct.
Because brilliant ideas come in all flavors, video game hardware modder and YouTuber Peter Knetter went and constructed himself a sandwich from a GameCube controller. Yum! It’s not actually edible, though, all the sandwich bits are made out of wax or plastic, but it is a functional controller. Now somebody just needs to port Cooking Mama or Overcooked to the GameCube for a match made in heaven!
The sandwich consists of an actual GameCube controller as the core of the sandwich, surrounded by fake deli meat, lettuce, and tomato, and finished with two pieces of faux bread. Not bad, but it’s very clearly missing mustard and mayonnaise, which I think we can all agree are the condiments that really make a sandwich, a sandwich. Back to culinary school with you!
Even knowing it’s not edible, I’d still have a hard time not trying to eat the controller. I’m a simple person — I see things that look like food, and I try to eat them. I can’t even tell you how many times an ambulance has had to be called because I was choking on a piece of plastic fruit, but it’s definitely in the double digits.
I just finished watching the latest season of Stranger Things (at least the part released so far), and let me tell you: It is INTENSE. And because Stranger Thing merchandise is hotter than the devil’s bathwater right now, this is a Stranger Things dishwasher magnet available from AlwaysFits.
The magnet has “CLEAN” on one side, but you flip it over TO THE UPSIDE DOWN when the dishwasher is dirty. I’m not sure what you’re supposed to do when the dishwasher is empty and there’s just a pile of filthy dishes in the sink, but my plan is to wait for my roommate to do them.
I’ll be honest, the Upside Down does NOT look like a place I’d want to visit. I don’t care if my best friend is trapped in there, I can always find a new best friend, but I can’t bring myself back to life. I’m just being realistic here.
The brainchild of a group of presumably messy eaters at Johns Hopkins University, Tastee Tape is an edible adhesive tape designed for holding burritos closed so you don’t wind up with burrito guts all over your lap while you’re trying to eat one. That’s cool. In only slightly related news, the Mexican Pizza returned to the Taco Bell menu five days ago, and I’ve already had at least sixteen.
Tastee Tape is constructed from a “food-grade fibrous scaffold and an organic adhesive” and comes affixed to a piece of waxed paper. To use a piece, you simply remove it from the paper, wet it, and slap it on the overlapping portion of a burrito’s tortilla. They won’t say exactly what the tape is made of, but my guess is some sort of seaweed. Or, who knows, maybe it’s just duct tape, and they’re lying to us. I’ve eaten duct tape before.
Alternatively, peel back the wrapper of your burrito as you eat it instead of just yanking the whole thing out at once and leaving yourself wide open to a pant and/or shirt stain. I mean, this isn’t rocket science. This is far, far more complicated. Hey, you don’t happen to have any extra napkins on you, do you?
The Sizzling Scooper is the brainchild of Matty Benedetto of Unnecessary Inventions. It’s an ice cream spoon with an integrated lighter beneath for melting hard ice cream before scooping. Is it practical? Probably not. Is it necessary? Almost certainly not. Come on, Matty; you should have at least used a torch lighter for maximum melting capabilities.
I wish Matty would have provided some sort of warning before I decided to try making my own Sizzling Scooper with a metal spoon and burnt my lips after heating the ice cream too long. Can you even imagine how embarrassing it was to explain what happened to my doctor? Dammit, Matty, this is all your fault!
Alternatively, dip a metal spoon in a glass of hot water before scooping hard ice cream. That’s what I used to do before Matty put this idiotic idea in my head. Can I sue? The emotional distress this has caused has got to be worth something. At least a free Sizzling Scooper.
A staple of gas stations when I was growing up, Slush Puppies are hands down one of the best beverages to drink if you want your mom constantly nagging that you’re going to rot all your teeth out. Available from FireBox, the $100 countertop Slush Puppie machine allegedly produces Slush Puppies just like you remember: insanely sweet and painfully cold.
The countertop Slush Puppie machine can produce a liter of slush every 15-25 minutes, with the option for a coarse or fine ice grain. Just add water, ice, salt, and Slush Puppie syrup (sold separately in 500mL bottles – enough to make 4 liters apiece), and you’re well on your way to a debilitating brain freeze! I… I can’t think straight!
FireBox reminds you that if you’re going to add alcohol to your Slush Puppie, you need to do so AFTER making it in the machine. Otherwise, the alcohol will prevent the mix from freezing properly since its freezing temperature is significantly colder than water. Of course, anybody like me who’s tried and failed to make alcohol freezy pops on spring break probably already knows that.
Because what better way to let guests know you take Thanksgiving far more seriously than anyone ever should, The Wine Savant has crafted the Rooster Glass Decanter Set. Available on Amazon (affiliate link), the set features a headless rooster decanter, along with two tasting glasses. Obviously, it’s perfect for sipping turkey gravy at the dinner table while your family watches in horror.
The cock-a-doodle-decanter holds 500ml of your favorite wine or spirit and has received 5 out of 5 stars according to nine reviews on Amazon. Clearly, there’s something I’m missing here. Per one verified buyer: “This cock will be proudly displayed for every party we have moving forward.” Well, the thing I’m missing definitely isn’t maturity.
Personally, I don’t drink anything that warrants decanting, but that’s just me, and I’m old-fashioned. And by old fashioned, I mean drink cheap domestic beer out of a beer helmet. My wife hates it, especially when I insist on wearing it at the fancy dinner parties her friends throw.