Because nothing says ‘Sweet dreams!’ like the glowing mask of a mass murderer in your bedroom, FireBox is selling this officially licensed Friday the 13th lamp. The lamp looks like Jason Voorhees’ iconic hockey mask from Friday the 13th Part III, and will make the perfect addition to a child’s bedroom after making them watch the movie for the first time.
The mask lamp can be powered via USB or two AAA batteries so it can be displayed (base included) or hung anywhere, and its energy-efficient LED lights ensure you’ll get the most out of its battery life. Your actual life? I mean, you did just invite a masked murderer into your bedroom.
Am I going to get up early one morning and put this mask in my place on the pillow, waiting for my wife to wake up and see it? Maybe! I guess it really depends on just how badly I want to be killed.
In the same vein as their previously posted sign of the horns headphone holder, Luckies of London Ltd. has introduced this peace hand sign version. The silver-painted polyresin hand measures 28.5cm x 13.5cm x 9cm (11″ x 5.5″ x 3.5″) and features a felted base for not scuffing up your desk. Or, in my case, the closet door I have laying across two sawhorses acting as a desk.
Not only can the hand hold your headphones, but also earbuds, keys, rings and other jewelry, and watches. Go wild! Just not too wild or you might break a finger. And, as a guy who broke several fingers in high school and had to have my hand put in a cast, I can attest to having a designated writer assigned to me and asking him what he thought the answers were on science tests.
I can only assume it’s just a matter of time until Luckies of London goes all in and adds a middle finger version to their line of hand sign headphone holders. But how will it hold headphones with only one extended finger? I’m guessing not very well.
Let’s face it: no respectable man cave is complete without a giant bear statue. And thank goodness purveyor of the entirely unnecessary Design Toscano is here to provide us with one. I can already imagine Papa Bear of the Three Little Bears demanding royalties for the use of his likeness.
Available from The Home Depot for the almost hard-to-believe low price of $4,554, the statue measures 89″ tall and features a raised paw and lap that can be used as seating. Crazy, I just came to Home Depot for a socket wrench and left with a bear! My wife is going to kill me.
Are you thinking what I’m thinking? If it’s ‘this will do just fine as a babysitter for my young children,’ then you are! Sure the initial investment is pretty steep, but then no more shelling out $50 for a sitter every date night. It’ll pay for itself in only 91 dates! This might actually be the best idea I’ve ever had.
Crafted and sold by the very appropriately named Etsy shop LifelikeSpiderArt, these extra-large Spider Sleeping Plushes are just the thing to add a bit of ‘what in the hell?’ to your bedroom. Obviously, they’re the perfect pillows for letting a lover know they may be killed and eaten before sunrise.
The black plush spiders measure approximately 60″ and the white ones 75″. They’re all are covered in faux fur, so you don’t have to stay up at night worrying that any actual tarantulas were harmed in their production. The legs feature flexible wire-frame paws for posing so you and your spider can sleep in just the right position at night. They also cost $860 – $980, leading me to believe I may just be better off taking my chances buying a giant spiderling from Hagrid.
I’m going to buy several and pose them in various stages of attack around the bedroom. How cool will that be?! According to my wife not very, and I can already imagine her making up the bed in the guest room to sleep in from now on.
Are you a Trekkie AND a cat person? Well then look no further than this Star Trek: The Next Generation cat sunshade created by Surreal Entertainment and available on Amazon (affiliate link). The sun blocker features the cast of the show in cat form, ready to navigate the USS Enterprise to where no man – or feline – has gone before.
The visor measures 64″ x 32″ and is a universal fit to accommodate the windshields of most cars, trucks, and vans. However it will probably not fit the windshields of most spaceships, so keep that in mind before buying one for your Klingon Bird-of-Prey or Borg Cube and then complaining it doesn’t fit snuggly.
I mean it’s hard not to purchase one, right? Because I actually bought one of these not too long ago and use it all the time. Sure it makes it hard to see while I’m driving, but hey – at least my seat and steering wheel aren’t blistering hot.
What better way to express your fandom for the Halloween franchise than with this Michael Myers 14K gold plated and cubic zirconia pendant? I can actually think of a lot of ways, but that isn’t going to stop me from dropping $650 on this piece from Aporro. I can already close my eyes and hear my wife yelling about the credit card charge.
Did you know the original Michael Myers mask was created by Halloween’s production designer Tommy Lee Wallace using a $1.98 Star Trek Captain Kirk mask he purchased from a costume shop on Hollywood Boulevard and modified by widened the eye holes and spray-painting the flesh a bluish-white? Because that’s true. The more you know!
Unlike the original, this particular piece is brass with a 14k gold plating and a plethora of white and black cubic zirconia adorning Michael’s face. It measures 90mm x 70mm (3.5″ x 2.7″) and weighs 198g. Obviously, it would be far better as a full-size mask I could wear while cutting the grass to let my neighbors know my yard is not one to let their dogs poop in without picking it up.
Invented by self-proclaimed mad scientist Matty Benedetto of Unnecessary Inventions, One Butt Jeans are a pair of denim jeans with one giant pocket stretching across the rear. That way, you can carry much larger items than with traditional rear jean pockets—things like a whole six-pack of soda or a laptop. And I’m pretty sure I speak for everyone here when I say where have these been all my life?
In the accompanying video, Matty mentions that the jeans are perfect for construction workers to load up all their tools. Just be careful sitting down! Or trying to walk without your pants falling down. Definitely wear a strong belt.
Admittedly, not the worst idea. But certainly not the best idea either. If I’m being completely honest, it definitely leans more towards a bad idea than a good idea. And I’m not just saying that because I didn’t think of it first, I’m only mostly saying that because I didn’t think of it first.
Ketchup: according to my dad it belongs on everything. He’s such a fan he’s thoroughly convinced potato chips were only invented as a vehicle to transport ketchup from a plate to a person’s mouth without making a mess. And now you can extract every precious drop of tomatoey goodness from a ketchup packet thanks to the Heinz Packet Roller keychain attachment. Fingers crossed it also works with Taco Bell Fire Sauce packets!
Operating like the similarly designed rollers for tubes of toothpaste, you just rip the end off a ketchup packet and roll it through the device, resting easy knowing you extracted every bit of ketchup possible. Waste not, want not – that’s my motto.
It’s the golden era of condiment packet extraction! These are truly exciting times we’re living in. Especially considering fast food restaurants regularly try to shortchange me in the packeted condiments department. At least I’ll know I made the most of what they did give me. Plus, now wait a minute, they forgot my nuggets!
Remember that scene in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory when Violet Beauregard chomps down on the 3-course dinner chewing gum? Well, this is kind of like that, though it’s not going to turn you blue when you get to dessert. Honestly, when I first saw that Brach’s had come out with Turkey Dinner, Apple Pie, and Coffee Candy Corn, I had to double-check that it wasn’t April 1st. But nope, It’s October 3rd, and this stuff is real.
Apparently, they also worked in the flavors of green beans, cranberry sauce, and stuffing. I’m assuming that each candy is a different flavor, and they didn’t manage to cram them all into a single piece of candy corn. I think that would result in the same sort of grey mush that you get when you mix all the paint colors together, only with flavors instead of colors.
I know lots of people hate candy corn, so I’m doubtful that changing them to taste like a complete Thanksgiving meal will change their minds. On the other hand, if candy corn is a guilty pleasure for you this time of year, then maybe you’ll want to try a bag of these. They’re available for $2.49 a bag from Walgreens. I wonder if these make you sleepy after you eat them too.
When is a toilet not just a toilet? When it’s the best toilet ever! An eagle-eyed shopper spotted this skull-shaped toilet at a hardware store somewhere in Europe, and now I must have one for my bathroom. Only I need it in time for Halloween, so I’m not sure that’s going to happen. But where can one buy a skull toilet? Well, upon further investigation, it looks like this is sold by a French company called WaterThrone, and it’s not just a skull toilet, but it’s also a Bluetooth speaker and has light-up eyes! SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!
The WaterThrone is available in other colors, like gold, black, and grey, along with custom colors, but I think the original off-white is the best since, um, our bones are that color. At least I think mine are, but I haven’t been able to check. The product listing doesn’t say how much it costs to sit on this head, but it does let us know that it can support up to 400 kilograms or 881.85 pounds, so that’s good news.