Tired of eating the same old boring dinners every night? Looking for something different to spice things up a bit? How about an up to 4-inch giant Asian scorpion? Mmmmm! Is your mouth watering? My mouth is watering. Honestly, I might be drooling.

Available from the Japan Trend Shop, each giant Asian scorpion has been carefully boiled and dehydrated, with just a small amount of salt added, because who wants to eat their scorpion unseasoned? Apparently, the scorpions are used as both food and medicine in many Asian countries and are also popular pets due to their large size and low venom toxicity. I still wouldn’t let one sting my tongue though, just for the record.

Unfortunately for anybody seriously interesting in eating one, the scorpion snacks cost $53 apiece. Let me make that clear: $53 for a single scorpion. Which brings me to the next order of business: starting our own highly profitable scorpion farm. Obviously, we’ll start in my wife’s shoe closet, but we can expand to the basement as our operation grows.