No… No it’s not. No one’s bum is worth cleaning with 22 carat gold toilet paper. But this website seems to be offering it one up for purchase anyway. It’s an Australian website which lists one such roll for $1,376,900AUS, which is roughly $1.3 million US. Now, we’re not sure if it’s a real product, but they’re offering to “personally” deliver it along with a bottle of champagne. We think it might be some kind of joke, but hey, stranger things have happened.
[ Product Page ] VIA [ Huffington Post ]
Charmin, best known for their weird commercials featuring bears who don’t know how to wipe properly, and Cheap-Chic-Weddings.com just wrapped up their 9th annual Toilet Paper Wedding Dress Contest. The designers could only use Charmin brand toilet paper, tape, glue, needle, and thread to make the frocks. First place went to Mimoza Haska who used 16 rolls of TP, Elmer’s glue, paper tape, and TWO TYPES of glitter glue, regular and glow-in-the-dark. Well, no wonder this dress won. GLITTER GLUE WINS ALL.
See the second and third place dresses below. Both of which are super impressive, unfortunately they didn’t use enough glitter glue.
After a long day of fighting crime in the big city even superheros need to use the bathroom (except Aquaman of course, he just goes right in the water). And when they do, they use Superhero Toilet Paper, natch. Soft enough for Wonder Woman but strong enough for Thor. You might want to pick up an extra few rolls if you turn into a massive beast that devours everything in sight when he gets angry. I’m looking at you Bruce Banner.
Superhero Toilet Paper: Splat! Whizz! Whoosh!
In news that will make you stare blankly at your computer screen as you ask yourself “But… why?” there’s a new product on the bathroom scene called Shittens. They’re mittens made of toilet paper. What’s the trouble with regular, non-mittened TP? I guess there are grown-ass humans out there who haven’t mastered the art of wiping their tootay without making a doo-doo mess. Which, I think we can all agree, is pretty damn sad. Y u no learn how to wipe properly? Valid question. You can donate to the campaign over at IndieGogo. You know what would be cooler than toilet paper mittens? Toilet paper gloves. We could call them, um… Shloves. Dammit. That doesn’t sound cool at all! You know what? I’m just gonna stick with regular TP. I mean, if I needed it. I certainly don’t ever use the bathroom. I’m a lady!
When having company over, it’s your duty as a host to make sure your guests are comfortable and that all of their needs are met. And do you know what THE single most important part of your job entiails? If you guessed making sure you offer plenty of pizza and beer, you’d be wrong. (But on a totally unrelated note can I come to your house later?) No, THE single most important thing you have to do for your guests is provide access to TP. There’s nothing worse than discovering mid poop that your host is out of toilet paper. Maybe they have some in a hall closet, maybe they don’t—but it doesn’t matter because it’s not like you can ask without dying of embarrassment. Enter the Toilet Paper Tree. It lets you display 14 extra rolls of toilet paper in plain sight so your guests instantly know that there’s plenty of bath tissue.
This is the iPad Pedestal Stand, a holder for not only a roll of toilet paper, but your iPad too. Quite the combo! I’d even go as far as to say this combo could be described as a DOUBLE WHAMMY. This thing is a must buy for you nasties who can’t go number 2 without playing Doodle Jump or Stick Ball or whatever the kids are doing on their Apple Pads these days. Just uh, be sure to have a designated wiping hand and use your other hand for the iPadding, know what I’m sayin’? I’m saying try to keep your booty germs off of your iPad. That’s how people get pink eye for goodness sake!
Normally I find ‘Yo Mama’ jokes a bit too crude for my taste, but I know a lot of people who love them and find them hilarious. People are finding more and more absurd things to print on toilet paper (like, I don’t know, origami directions and measuring tape). The latest one, however, is the Yo Mama Toilet Roll.
It’s offensive, it’s crude, but it’s also strangely appropriate for the bathroom. How many times have you gone there to bawl your eyes out over some guy (or girl) who dumped you? How many times have you taken a dump while you were sad or depressed about something? (Because, you know, sometimes you get some time to reflect on stuff while you’re on the loo.) Now picture yourself grabbing for some tissue to wipe your tears (or your dirty behind) and reading one of the Yo Mama jokes printed on them instead.
Ka-boom. Instant smile, instant chuckle. Temporary relief but a pretty effective one at that. This is probably toilet humor at its very best. Each roll of the Yo Mama tissues costs $4.91.
[ Product Page ] VIA [ Gadgets Matrix ]
With Mitt Romney’s Presidential campaign in full swing there’s bound to be some people out there who think he’s full of crap. And for those people, what better to wipe it up than with a roll of Mitt Romney Toilet Paper
