Disney movies always end with the Happily Ever After. Except Fox & The Hound. That one was sad as hell. I… I don’t wanna talk about it! But yeah with the exception of the one which emotionally scarred me for life, Disney movies always ending on a happy note. But what about the bad guys? Their careers are ruined! And it’s probably impossible to collect unemployment. Enter Disney Villain Résumés by the Oh My Disney blog. Peep CVs by Ursula, Jafar, Captain Hook, Gaston, Scar, and more! Wait a second — didn’t most of these turds totally die at the end? Pretty sure most of em died. And our economy is suffering way too bad for us to be handing out jobs to dead people. You know I’m right. YOU KNOW I’M RIGHT!
The cluttered old pen cup on your desk has got to go. You know, the one. It’s filled with about 20 pens you took from the bank, 2 unsharpened pencils that you never touch but leave there just in case, 3 dried out sharpies, and one inexplicable exacto knife that you don’t remember buying. Replace that old eyesore with a lovely assortment of pens that look like blades of grass. If you can forgive the name, Pooleaf pens (POO-leaf? Really?) make a delicate, beautiful addition to any desk. The pens come in 3 different shades of green to add some color to your practical, yet pretty pen cup replacement.
This is a Pencil Broom. It’s a pencil that has a mini-broom as an eraser, I guess so you can sweep away all those eraser shavings. Also you know FOR NOVELTY’S SAKE. Just don’t get swept (!!!) away and erase all your hard work on account that you’re having so much fun sweep-erasing or whatever. Now I know what you’re thinking and I’m 100% with you — how can you NOT get swept away? when’s lunch?
I don’t write using a pen and paper very often, but when I’m clicking away on my laptop, I do fancy a snack. Hemingway may have believed that hunger is a good discipline, but let’s face it, I’m no Hemingway. Snack Notebooks are designed in the likeness of a cheese cracker and a chocolate cream cookie. Their aim is to make damn sure that you don’t forget to crack open a granola bar prior to setting your pen to the page. Speaking of pages, each realistically textured book contains 144 of them, which are lined.
Regardless of what you think, no one appreciates the Facebook friend who takes to their page with their every gripe. Traffic. Weather. The smelly guy in front of you at Target. No. One. Cares. Lay off social media and invest in a Pet Peeves Journal by Knock Knock. Featuring a handy pocket-sized format, the candid and curmudgeonly title provides the perfect place to jot down your misanthropic musings wherever you go. You can safely keep it under lock and key, so it won’t come back to haunt you years from now. Which is more than we can say about your Twitter feed.
Etsy shop Sweet Tea Apothecary creates historically inspired fragrances, like this Dead Writers-scented perfume. It smells of black tea, vetiver, clove, musk, vanilla, heliotrope, and tobacco. The stuff is influenced by legendary writers like Hemingway, Fitzgerald, Shakespeare, Poe, and more. Ooh — now do a Barely-Alive Bloggers version next! It’ll have notes of parent’s basement, cold coffee, low self-esteem, and the essence of the internet. Sure to be a big hit with no one.