Brisket Flavored Candy Canes: Meaty Goodness

Posted on 05/12/2022 by hite

Because nothing quite says Merry Christmas like meat-flavored candy canes (wait, that can’t be right), Archie McPhee has added yet another unusual flavor to its line of unusual candy canes, this time with brisket-flavored sugar sticks. Yum! And by ‘Yum!’ I mean ‘Yum?’

A box of six canes will set you back $6.95. Not into brisket? No worries, Archie McPhee also sells hot dog and pizza-flavored candy canes for those looking for a less traditional holiday meal this year. My typical Christmas Eve meal? The cookies we were supposed to be leaving out for Santa. To my credit, though, I do leave the carrots for his reindeer untouched.

Whatever the flavor, I’m just going to sharpen the end into a point to poke my brother in the leg under the dinner table. It’s a Christmas Eve tradition. Then we get in a huge fight, and there aren’t any presents underneath the tree from Santa the next morning, the end.

Giant Ant Toys: There Goes The Picnic

Posted on 14/11/2021 by hite

Makers of the entirely unnecessary but absolutely wanted, Archie McPhee is selling these giant ant toys for $8. Available in a package of six, each hard vinyl insect measures 2-3/4″ long from antennae to ant butt and is sure to get a rise out of my wife when she finds them in the pantry. I think it goes without saying, but breakfast in bed will probably be out of the question that morning.

The six-pack includes two each of black, brown, and red ants. I remember getting stung by a bunch of red ants before. Not my fondest memory. My fifth birthday either. I asked for a Nintendo Game Boy, but do you know what I got? Poison ivy.

Be sure to bring some along on your next picnic! Maybe they’ll scare the real ants away. Or maybe they’ll mate and give rise to a new race of giant killer ants. If that happens though I will tell everyone it was all your fault.

Formula 1 and NASCAR Look Out, It’s Time for Racing Tardigrades

Posted on 23/12/2020 by Paul Strauss

I’ve watched lots of car races over the years. I’ve driven on race tracks and dragstrips, and have even been in a stock car at about 170 mph. But you know what I haven’t experienced yet? Tardigrade racing. These tiny creatures are known for their resiliency, so they’re unlikely to get injured in a crash, making them perfect for high-speed action.

These pull-back tardigrades come in a set of four so you can race up to three of your friends to see who has the fastest time in a drag race. I’m going with the bright blue one, mostly because it looks like Swedish Racing Green to me. Now, as far as I know, tardigrades are so tiny that you need a microscope to see them, so the guys at Archie McPhee decided to scale theirs up to 2-3/4″ long so they’re visible to the naked eye. Hey, put some clothes on that eyeball!

The full set goes for just $14.95 and would be lots of fun to race against some babies, possums, or cockroaches. Place your bets now!

The Office Possum Will Keep Unwanted People out of Your Cubicle

Posted on 04/09/2020 by Paul Strauss

I’d prefer that companies let people continue to work from home until we have an effective COVID-19 vaccine, but some people are having to go into their offices already. While I hope that people are following social distancing and mask rules, some people will always be scofflaws. If you want to make sure no unmasked sickies poke their heads into your cubicle, then you need an effective deterrent. The Office Possum should do the trick quite nicely.

Made by purveyors of weird and wacky stuff Archie McPhee, the Office Possum is a 15″ tall latex replica of a possum that’s perfect for scaring people away from your stuff. With its beady eyes, lanky pink tail, gnarly teeth, and scratchy claws, it’s a great impediment to those who try and enter your personal space.

This guy even has bendable paws and tail, so you can pose it just how you like. Whether you poke its head out of a garbage can or leave it on its back on the floor like roadkill, it’s sure to disgust and freak out all who dare to cross its path.

Best of all, this thing doesn’t smell or spread rabies, so you can keep it in your office all year long. You can get your own Office Possum over at Archie McPhee for just $23.95. I think you should buy a bunch and block the entire entrance to your space with them.

Pagan Breakfast God Mask Celebrates Bacon, Eggs, and Toast

Posted on 21/01/2020 by Paul Strauss

Growing up, Kellogg’s and Post had convinced me that sugary cereals drowning in milk were “part of a nutritious breakfast.” But as I grew up, I came to realize that protein is a much more important start to the day. Nowadays, I have some eggs and maybe some breakfast meat to get my day going. And when I’m feeling like a little carbs to go with, some toast and butter fills the bill quite nicely.

To celebrate my love for these great American breakfast foods, I should probably start wearing this Pagan Breakfast God Mask.

This ridiculous tribute to our morning meat and carb ritual comes from the deranged minds at Archie McPhee, who insist you don’t need to wait until Halloween to dress up like this. Actually, I think this could make a great Mardi Gras costume, and that’s coming up in just about a month. The only thing it’s missing for New Orleans’ big party is a bowl of grits, but I suppose you could just carry that around in a cup and eat some while you catch beads and doubloons.

Googly Eye Push Pins Have Got Their Eyes on You

Posted on 10/01/2020 by Paul Strauss

Do you know what makes everything better? Googly eyes, that’s what. Simply slap some of these puppies onto any item, and it gives them instant personality. While you could just buy a bunch of sticky googly eyes and start gluing them to things, I think these push pins are a better idea.

Archie McPhee’s goofy Googly Eye Push Pins are a great addition to any memo board, and let you give every single item on your cubicle wall the eyeballs it deserves. I suppose you could even use them to embellish fruit and veggies as they did with that strawberry, but then you’ll want to eat it pretty soon so it doesn’t spoil from those extra holes you punched into its face. But can you really snack on something once you’ve bestowed it with the gift of vision?

If you’re ready to start slapping eyeballs on every last thing in sight, head over to Amazon (affiliate link) and grab a set of 25 of these suckers. I do find it strange that these come in an odd number. I guess you’re gonna have a cyclops or a three-eyed monster somewhere on your wall.

Join the Meat Parade!

Posted on 03/10/2019 by Vic Arkoff

Didja know October is Eat Country Ham Month? Me neither. But clearly such an important holiday deserves a theme song. Enter Meat Parade, a retro-style novelty record that cheerfully declares “With bacon, knockwurst, ham or lamb – you’ll never beat that meat!”

Naturally, the limited-edition 45 RPM record been pressed on colored vinyl that’s meant to look like a yummo ham steak.

Side one has the single Meat March, while the B-side features the bluesy single Slab O’ Meat. So what are you waiting for? Join the Meat Parade at Archie McPhee today!

Pizza Candy Canes: You Wanna Pizza Me?

Posted on 30/08/2019 by Paul Strauss

The summer is coming to an end soon, so that could mean only one thing… candy cane season is just around the corner! Don’t just go with those ordinary peppermint candy canes this year, do something a little different. I’m thinking maybe some tomato, mozzarella, and pepperoni flavored ones.

I’m honestly not sure what to make of Archie McPhee’s latest candy cane concoction, but I like pizza, and I like candy, so maybe I’ll like these? Who knows. At least each one has fewer calories and fat than an actual slice of pizza, so they’ve got that going for them.

The pizza candy canes join McPhee’s other unusual flavors, which include bacon, kale, clam, pickle, and mac and cheese.

[via Laughing Squid]

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