Created in the likeness of everyone’s favorite Wookiee, the Chewbacca Pillow Pet Jumboz Plush (affiliate link) is the perfect companion for a young child that you never want to sleep again. I think it’s the vacant, dead eyes that really do it for me. They should have at least put teddy bear eyes in those sockets. Shoot, anything but those pitch-black, soul-stealing caverns.
The pillow measures approximately 14″ x 14″ x 14″ and unfastens to reveal the 30″ x 30″ stuffed Chewbacca mat/rug you’ve always dreamed of. In pillow form, though he looks like a cross between a Shih Tzu and a Wookiee, with the face of a snub-nosed monkey. My goodness, that face. Did I mention the eyes? I’ll be sleeping with a night light on tonight for sure, I don’t care if my wife makes fun of me.
Admittedly, I just bought one. But I am going to hot glue googly eyes on Chewie the moment he arrives? Yes, and if those googly eyes ever happen to come off and I see him without them, well, let’s just say it won’t be the first time I’ve ever smelled burning Wookiee fur (campfire accident on Kashyyyk – should have listened to Smokey).
Because who hasn’t ever dreamed of participating in the Battle of Yavin (aka the Battle of the Death Star), Paladone has created this Death Star Maze. Sure it’s absolutely nothing like flying an X-wing and battling the Galactic Empire but use your imagination. A lot of it. Use every last bit of your imagination, and then some.
Available from Entertainment Earth, the $17 maze consists of the upper half of a Death Star with a transparent outer shell and plastic labyrinth inside and a small ball bearing to guide towards the super laser in a full 360-degrees of getting lost and frustrated. Or, if you’re really using your imagination, as I suggested, you can pretend the ball bearing is an ion torpedo, and you’re trying to guide it through a thermal exhaust port leading to the reactor core. I’ll even call you Luke Skywalker if it helps in this little fantasy of yours.
Tried solving the maze but struggling to finish? No problem, do you own a hammer? When all else fails, smack it with a hammer – that’s one of my mottos. Along with ‘You can never have enough duct tape,’ and ‘Honey, have you seen the Band-Aids?’
Because who hasn’t ever dreamed of taking a nice relaxing bath with Sith Lord Darth Vader himself, Mad Beauty has created these officially licensed Star Wars Darth Vader Bath Fizzers. Wow, Darth Vader and bath fizzers – those are four words I never thought I’d hear together. There really is a first time for everything.
Available from FireBox, a six-pack of Vader Bath Fizzers (I feel weird every time I type it) will set you back $14. For those of you good at math, that’s $2.33 per fizzer. For those of you bad at math, I will take your SATs for you, but it’s going to cost you some serious Galactic Credits.
Each fizzer is shaped like Vader’s iconic helmet and turns your bath water jet black, releasing “a sweet amber and ginseng fragrance” in the process. Granted, that’s not what I’d make a Darth Vader bath fizzer smell like, but I admit it would be hard to really capture the subtle nuances of Alderaan following its annihilation via Death Star superlaser.
Let’s face it, with Disney owning both properties now, Star Wars and Marvel are practically begging for a crossover. And to give us an idea of what that probably wouldn’t look like, artist Adam of the YouTube channel North of the Border sculpted this 1:12 scale BB-8/Hulkbuster armor mashup. Sith and Hulk alike, beware!
I particularly like the BB-8 inspired paint job. The amount of fine detail Adam was able to achieve is most impressive, and I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if he could thread a needle on his first try. For reference, I struggle to thread a needle for my grandma at all until she eventually tells me not to bother – she’ll just get one of her favorite grandchildren to do it for her.
Now that I’ve planted the seed of a Star Wars/Marvel crossover in my own mind, it won’t stop growing. Will I start writing my own fan fiction?! No, but only because I’m too lazy. I will, however, start creating my own fan fiction in my mind, which takes significantly less effort than writing and can be done in the bathtub.
Any toy with a Mandalorian theme is going to make money. That’s just basic Star Wars economics. So to easily fatten both Disney’s and Hasbro’s pockets comes this Star Wars Potato Head The Yamdalorian and the Tot playset. It features a basic Potato Head body and 13 accessories to dress up like everyone’s favorite Grogu-protecting bounty hunter. Even I just ordered two despite my doctor having me on a strict no-starch diet.
Available for pre-order from Entertainment Earth for a relatively reasonable $16, the Spudalorian is going to look great on the display shelf with the rest of my Star Wars memorabilia. Do they still make Potato Heads with the butt storage compartment for storing all their accessories? Because I’d hate to lose baby Yoda to one of my cats.
So, are these going to be next year’s must-have Christmas toy, or is the storage unit I have full of them to resell on eBay just going to go to waste? I suppose only time will tell, but if time tells the same story it has in the past, this will be just like the time I invested in Enron.
Released by the New Zealand Mint, these 1-ounce Death Star Coins are engraved with an image of the Empire’s moon-sized superweapon on one side and Queen Elizabeth on the opposite. A nice combo. Personally, I would have gone with an Ewok on the other side to commemorate the Battle of Endor, but I wasn’t asked. I’m never asked.
Limited to an edition of 500, the 0.9999% gold coins are available for $2,900 apiece. And, with the current price of gold hovering around $1,900, you’re paying roughly a thousand extra bucks for that Death Star engraving. Should you just buy an ounce of gold, mint a coin shape, and engrave your own? I’m not here to tell you what to do, but you absolutely should, and make me one while you’re at it.
If I had the money, I would buy all five hundred of them, then slowly release them on eBay for an even steeper profit. Or end up selling them for less than I paid for them – it’s happened before. I’m not really a great investor. Take, for instance, the time I invested in a complete set of original mint-in-package Kenner Star Wars action figures from 1977, then tore them all out of their packaging and played with them in the bathtub. I… have regrets.
If it isn’t already, soon, every single product will be available with some sort of Star Wars theme. Case in point: this Stormtrooper Multi-Tool. It’s a multi-tool, but it’s white and has a stormtrooper head on the side of it, apparently making it just Star Wars-themed enough to justify selling. What do they take me for, some sort of Star Wars fanatic? I’m going to buy two, one for everyday carry, one to leave at home in my junk drawer.
Available from Firebox, the $21 tool includes three different-sized flat-head screwdriver heads, three different Phillips heads, one mini glasses screwdriver, and a flashlight so you can see just what you’re screwing. So while I guess it technically is a multi-tool, that multi-tooling is pretty much limited to driving screws.
But are stormtroopers even handy with tools? Because if they’re as good at repairing things as they are at hitting the target, they’re shooting at, I want no part of it. You’re better off just stripping all the screws so you can’t do any more damage than calling Chewbacca to come and fix it for you.
Do you own a fancy watch that’s powered solely by the movement of your wrist as you wear it? But are you not always wearing it and need an automatic watch winder to keep it powered and accurate? Are you a huge Star Wars fan? And RICH? Enter the TIE Advanced x1 Watch Winder from Kross Studio, a watch winder in the form of Darth Vader’s fighter during the attack on the Death Star.
The black anodized aluminum watch winder, released after the Studio’s $150,000 Death Star Tourbillon watch, uses an infrared sensor to detect the presence of a watch and begin winding, with replaceable batteries powering the unit for up to two years. It costs $2,500, which is just a drop in the bucket for somebody who just spent $150,000 on a watch. Honestly, that watch should probably come with one of these winders free of charge.
Rich people, am I right? I still wear the same Casio calculator watch I’ve had since high school that I wasn’t allowed to wear during math tests. “You know, you won’t always have a calculator in your pocket to help you in the future,” I remember Mrs. McKay being completely wrong about just before the release of smartphones.
The Star Wars logo: it’s an iconic piece of pop culture. And now you can proudly display it in your home thanks to this Star Wars Logo Light available for pre-order from Entertainment Earth ($35, shipping later this month). Sure it’s no ‘Live, Laugh, Love’ piece of wall art, but I already own enough of those already.
The 11″ wide light can be hung on your wall or displayed standing, and requires three AA batteries for operation (not included). Obviously, it’s the perfect light for transporting any room to a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.
Now all I need to do is buy this and stencil the opening crawl to Star Wars: A New Hope on one of the walls of my man cave and I’ll be the envy of all my Star Wars loving friends! Step one: convince my wife to let me turn the guest bedroom into a man cave.
It’s been a few months since I’ve seen R2-D2 rolling around, but the last thing I remember, he was still shaped like a garbage can on wheels. Well, I guess our little Astromech droid has been hitting the gym because he’s looking quite slim and leggy these days.
Oh, what’s that, you say? That’s not the real R2-D2, but a model showing off her stylish R2-D2 leggings? I guess that makes more sense.
The stretchy R2-D2 leggings are made from 82% polyester and 18% spandex, which is what all droids are made of. Though I have it on good authority that they’re actually 81.98% polyester and 18.02% spandex because C-3PO had to correct me. That’s what he does. Also, a hologram might shoot out of your butt if you wear these. If these are the leggings you’re looking for, you can grab a pair over on Etsy for $44.99.