Are you always leaving the keys to your starship sitting around? The last thing you need is some rogue Ferengi getting their hands on them and trading your ship for a bunch of gold-pressed latinum. What you need is an official Starfleet key rack to keep your key ring from getting lost.
This $39 laser-cut wood key rack comes from Etsy seller NerdySwagger. The rack has five wooden starships and five docking bays that hold onto them. The 9.25″ x 13.25″ rack features an engraved United Federation of Planets Starfleet Command logo, along with a starbase designation in the upper right corner. By default, you get Orion Starbase, but you can get it personalized with your own words for an extra $10. I’d go with “All Your Base Are Belong to Us.”
When you think about it, does a Federation starship require keys to open its doors and start it up? I’m guessing by the 23rd century, we will have standardized biometric scanning for all of our authentication systems.
The Mandalorian mask is a single 3D printed piece and costs $29. The only thing that would make it better is if there was a Mandalorian voice option for Amazon Echo Dots. Now that’s something I’d be willing to part with my Galactic credits for.
I used to own a smart speaker, but I got rid of it after getting paranoid that it was listening all the time. Plus whenever my wife and I would ask it a question to settle an argument it would always side with her. “The truth” she likes to call it.
A USS Enterprise and Deep Space Nine themed cat tree: it’s what every Star Trek loving feline owner’s home has been missing. And now thanks to Etsy seller CE360designs, you can finally fill that void with a custom Star Trek Enterprise 1701D and DS9 Wood Cat Tower. You know they say good things come in small packages, but I imagine this box being on the larger side.
The 4-foot cat tree sells for $270 and has a USS Enterprise at the very top (with the option to be swapped for Voyager), with the Deep Space Nine space station below. The very bottom represents the two ends of a wormhole (with the option to be replaced with a Borg ship), all set atop the Starfleet insignia. According to the seller, “This is sure to make a conversation starter,” and I couldn’t agree more. I’m already talking about it and I don’t even own one.
Are your cats just as likely to play with the box the tree comes in as the tree itself? Knowing my cats, yes. I buy them all the latest cat toys but whenever I come home, there they are – chasing a piece of crumpled paper or torn cardboard. You know, with cats maybe it really is the simple things in life.
Do you know what my feet have been missing? A pedicure. My wife won’t even let me sleep without socks on because she’s worried I might make accidental contact. They’ve also been missing these Star Trek: The Next Generation house slippers, perfect for boldly going downstairs for breakfast on a Saturday morning.
The $30 slippers are available in three-sizes-fit-most and include nonslip gripping dots on the soles so you don’t start your morning with an accidental slip-and-fall. A broken hip because you were wearing cheap house slippers – that’s a day ruiner.
I imagine a lot of peoples’ shuttlecrafts will be making repeat voyages between the coffee pot and bathroom on any given stardate. ‘They practically fly themselves!’ I imagine telling myself while I shuffle into the downstairs bathroom half awake. But are the soles LEGO proof? I’m not sure, but I have the sneaking suspicion I’m going to find out whether I want to or not.
Jar Jar Binks: hands down everyone’s favorite Star Wars character, even beating out the space slug that almost eats the Millennium Falcon. And now thanks to the work of artist scadarts, he’s can also be everyone’s favorite fine art subject. As Indiana Jones would say, ‘It belongs in a museum,’ and I couldn’t agree more. What an absolute masterpiece.
Obviously, if any of these were actually on display in a museum I’d have no choice but to plan a heist to liberate them and add them to my personal collection. Which already includes, and is pretty much limited to, finger paintings my mom didn’t deem worthy of a spot on the fridge.
Which is your favorite? Personally, I’m drawn to Binks With a Pearl Earring and The Scweam. I’ve actually always wanted to go see the originals in real life but Girl with a Pearl Earring is in the Netherlands and The Scream is in Norway and, as much as I hate flying, I’m even a worse swimmer.
What you’re looking at is an artificial intelligence-driven furry electronic pet that can express its own emotions via movement and sound. The Moflin’s AI allows its emotions to constantly change based on its environment – much like a real pet’s, except you’ll save a small fortune on pet food. Originally launched as a Kickstarter project, the campaign was a success, and Moflins will be available later this year for around $400. Still, no word if they’ll breed as quickly as Tribbles.
A Moflin constantly scans its surroundings with its sensors and uses its own interactions to determine patterns and respond accordingly, with “an infinite number of movement and sound combinations” available to express its feelings. Not bad. For reference, I’m only capable of grunting and shaking my head no.
Pretty cool, but if they really wanted to sell these things they should have scored the Star Wars licensing rights and made them look like Baby Yoda. You wouldn’t be able to keep them on store shelves! They’d be this year and every year’s must-have Christmas gift. Wait – did I just come up with a multi-million dollar idea? We need The Mandalorian’s blessing, STAT. Somebody call him, tell him The Child is in trouble.
Because boldly going where no man has gone before is excuse enough for a cocktail, this is the Star Trek: The Next Generation 5-Piece Whiskey Decanter Set from Robe Factory and available on Amazon for $100 (affiliate link). Jim Beam me up, Scotty.
The set includes a 26-ounce decanter etched with the United Federation of Planets logo along with the USS Enterprise’s NCC-1701-D designation and delta shield. The 10-ounce tumbler glasses also include the Enterprise’s designation as well as the delta shield, and the whole set has a unique curve to it so it’s clear they’re from outer space and the future.
Call me old fashioned, but I drink my whiskey straight from the bottle it comes in. That way I don’t have to wash any extra glasses, because I don’t live in the future and my apartment doesn’t have a dishwasher. Well I mean it does, but I’m it.
Like everyone else in the universe, I can’t get enough of The Mandalorian on Disney+. Besides binge-watching episodes, I dote over my Baby Yoda Chia Pet and even my dog, Ziggy, guards his Baby Yoda dog toy just like Mandalorian bounty hunter Din Djarin. Although we doubt Mando ever chewed off Yoda’s ears.
So, imagine my dismay when I didn’t buy Columbia’s Mandalorian Interchange Hybrid Jacket the second it dropped. The $300 weather-proof zip-up instantly sold out, as did the streetwise $120 Mandalorian Heavyweight Hoodie, and even the $40 Mandalorian Helmet Gaiter, which kinda looks like a cosplay accessory or a soft version of welder’s safety headgear.
Funny thing is, that the collection included pieces for the whole family… the adult stuff sold out early. I would have put my money on the now-sold-out Child Bunting, a cozy fleece onesie with a green Yoda hoodie.
So, if you’re a fanatic (*raises hand*) and need a Columbia x Mandalorian collection piece – any piece, in any size – I advise you to shift into hyperdrive to grab The Child Jacket for toddlers ($75) before they get gobbled up like Sebula slurping up Baroonda Swamp Suckers.
Frankly, the puff jacket is the most practical of all the pieces, providing a water-resistant shell, “Omni Heat” lining, and a soft, mint green Sherpa hood with baby pink ear details. The last time we looked it was still available for human offspring sizes 2T and 3T.
The Mandalorian merchandise is like Disney is printing their own money. And now NERF has teamed up with the company to produce this $120 Mandalorian Amban Phase-pulse Blaster. Obviously, this is going to look perfect mounted above my fireplace mantle. I mean I’ll have to find somewhere else for my grandma’s ashes, but still.
The blaster measures a very respectable 50.25-inches (1.27-meters) long and requires 2 AAA batteries, which power the rifle’s 8 different loading and blasting sound effects, as well as its LED-illuminated scope and targeting reticle. Now let’s go bullseye some womp rats!
To operate, a single dart is placed in the spring-action breech-loader, and there’s a handle you pull back to prime the gun for firing, just like the Mandalorians in the show. Pre-order a blaster before December 31st, and the guns should be ready to ship by October 1st, 2021. Wait – October 2021? That’s a long time to go in a galaxy far away. How do I even know Earth will still exist by then and NERF didn’t just take my money and is spending it in the afterlife? Food for thought. Not very good food, mind you. Actually, this is just the wrapper a fast-food burger came in.
What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of Christmas? Star Trek, right? I mean, how could it not be? So what better way to celebrate the holidays than with this $150 Star Trek U.S.S. Enterprise Musical Tree Topper With Light (affiliate link) from Hallmark. Wait – did that say $150? I was ready to pay at least $250. They’re practically giving them away.
The topper remains constantly illuminated when plugged in. With the push of a button on the included Starfleet insignia remote control, the Enterprise plays the theme from Star Trek and performs an accompanying light show. The ship can also be wired to additional Captain James T. Kirk, Lieutenant Hikaru Sulu, and Lieutenant Nyota Uhura Star Trek ‘Storyteller’ ornaments (seen above, $35 apiece) to unlock additional performances. It’s a Christmas miracle!
I remember growing up how our Christmas tree topper was usually just the ceiling because my dad regularly overestimated the height of a tree that would fit in the living room. He’d also make sure to choose one with really low hanging branches, so it took fewer presents to fill the space under the tree. Consider that a free tip for all you parents out there.